5 years can be a lifetime...

Today I came across a five year old email between my then boyfriend and me. It was a break-up email (go ahead and laugh) and at one point in our exchange I told him I wanted to be married and have kids within five years. This got me thinking about what can happen in just five short years. 

Five years ago. In a candy bikini.

Five years ago I was working a job I hated. Five years ago I was living alone. Five years ago I was dating a guy that was shorter than me. And he had red hair. I repeat, he was shorter than me and had red hair. Five years ago I changed my life. 

After graduating college, I found work in parks and recreation - the same field as my hard earned degree. Well, okay, maybe not hard earned. Let's be real, Recreation Management isn't exactly neuroscience. But it was fun and let me be outside for at least half of every work day. So it felt like only working half a day. Which was basically the case. I started out really dedicated, worked late hours and did whatever my boss asked. I gradually came in to work later and later in the morning, sometimes not arriving until 10am. I simply couldn't drag my ass to work every day to do the same thing over and over. I seriously do not understand how people can do that. I've never been very good at that. I needed more change, more excitement, more vision. I just needed to breathe. 

So I quit. I had no plan, a tiny savings account, and a broken heart. I had been epically dumped (twice!) by guys that were all wrong for me. I wish I could say here that this lead me on some envious journey around the world, but no. I made it as far as Colorado to bum on my sister's couch for a few months before I came back to Washington to bum on a friend's couch for a couple more months. I became even more awesome when I moved back in with my parents. I took a job managing a wine bar and felt like the guy in high school that should have graduated two years ago but just keeps repeating his senior year. I didn't fit in. 

Aww! Look at us lovebirds!

I began casually dating a friend I had known in college which was interesting but unfulfilling - I've never been good at casual relationships. How do girls do that? I always get attached, even to guys that never interested me in the first place. Somehow the guy that I didn't want to date, ends up dumping me and I am left in a drippy sad puddle on the floor. So when I began casually dating my friend, I was worried by how much I liked him. I could feel myself begin to liquify every time my phone calls went unanswered or he was too busy to see me. Great, I thought, here comes dripping wet Amanda - saturated in insecurities. What had happened to me? I wasn't supposed to be 28, living with my parents, working at a bar and waiting around for some guy to call me. My big plan of quitting my career to seek out a new way of life wasn't shaping up the way I had pictured. 

My heart and soul.

Then I got pregnant. And that friend I was casually dating ended up being my best friend, father of my child and then my husband. It turns out that I didn't need a solo trip around the world to find myself or a critically acclaimed career to win the accolades of friends and colleagues. It turns out that what I really needed was to listen to my own voice. Five years ago, I knew what I wanted. Five years later, I have it.