Settling Up

My mom and I rarely discussed relationships or boys when I was a teenager, and I preferred it that way. I wasn't an awkward teen. Not a nerd, nor a wallflower. I was outgoing, confident, had plenty of friends, dressed in the latest cool clothes and survived both middle and high schools unscathed. But boys didn't get me, or I didn't get them. I'm not sure which. So, I went through high school without really ever having a boyfriend. Oh sure, I kissed a few boys, let them feel me up and what have you, but never a boyfriend to speak of. The only advice I really ever remember my mom giving me was, "don't get pregnant and always marry up".

This week I seem to be discussing marriage a lot among friends. Marriage is always one of those subjects that people either blab too much of their intimate relations and then have blabbers remorse or they only say the positive aspects of their marriage in which the rest of us look at them and think: bullshit. I'm not sure which is better. It is rare to find a friend that can listen to your latest gripe without comparing her own marriage and feeling triumphant that she isn't as fucked** up as you. Women are jealous creatures, after all.

Several years before I married my husband, I was head over heels in love with another guy that I was certain I would marry. He was accomplished, smart, cultured and philanthropic. In the words of his mother, he looked good on paper. (Yes, his mother actually said that to me). On the other hand, he was selfish, mean-spirited and superficial. In the end, the latter qualities trumped the 'good on paper' ones and our relationship ended. I realized then that even though I may have 'married up' had we stayed together, I was really settling for less than the man I deserved.

Coincidently, my husband not only looks great on paper, he looks pretty damn good in person too. Would he enjoy an evening of Maya Angelou readings over a beer at a dive bar? No way. Does he prefer the bright lights of the city over a quiet small town? Never. In the end I suppose I didn't marry up. I would say I settled up. I settled for kindness, humor, security and generosity - which is probably what my mother meant in the first place. Have a blabbed too much?

Marriage is both simple and complicated. We give all of ourselves to one person and hope like hell they don't drive us into the ground. We can make ourselves crazy analyzing our fights, trying to be right, trying to change our spouse or just trying to hold it all together when it is inexplicably falling apart. And we do all of this while having babies, raising children and working like mad. It is no wonder most of us are ending up divorced. I think it is like this: fall crazy in love, get married and hold on for dear life while riding that roller coaster. You might be scared to death, but the thrill of the ride can't be matched.



**Sorry for the profanity in this post, but you aren't a kid, right? And if you are letting your kid read this, then quit judging me and get a mirror.

Wanna Play?

The end of summer always comes suddenly. One day you are fanning yourself in 80 degree weather, and the next you are crunching through fallen leaves. My son has started his second year of preschool and all of a sudden he seems so grown up. Somehow he went from being my sweet little baby to a little man. Our conversations flow so easily I sometimes forget I am talking to a three year old. I love taking him to preschool and seeing his eyes scan the room as he soaks up every vision of education until I think his eyes will burst. He comes home singing songs, telling stories, reciting his ABC's and counting anything and everything. It makes me think of my own daily activities and whether they resemble anything like my childhood. As a kid, my free time was usually spent with Megan, my childhood best friend, and playing in the woods behind my house. I remember my mom installing a tether ball pole in our driveway because it was my favorite recess game. I had a favorite tree in my backyard that I would climb, perch myself on a limb and read a book. I remember riding on the handlebars of Megan's bicycle as she pedaled us around our neighborhood (sans helmets). Today my days consist of the mostly mundane: paying bills, cleaning the house, laundry, working out, identifying random smells. That last one happens more often than I would like to admit. Above it all, I dread working out. Yes, I feel good afterward. No, that feeling does not carry me through to the next sweat session. I miss the days of 'play'. Long before parents were setting up play dates, we were picking up the phone every day after school, calling a friend and asking one simple question: wanna play? Now it sounds more like this, "today I have to go do this boring thing, then that boring thing, then I have to drag my ass to the gym and exercise". Sounds fun, right? So, as a little experiment, I have been using typical playground activities as my workouts. Today I decided to jump rope. I used to jump rope for what seemed like hours. Double jumps, running jumps, criss cross, backwards - however creative I could get. After five minutes today, I soon realized why I was such a skinny kid. Jumping rope is hard work. If you are feeling like giving it try, here is my workout from today:

30 second warm up (two foot jumps with one jump in between rope turns)
1 minute jumping
20 pushups
1 minute jumping
35 toe touch sit ups
1 minute jumping
25 squats
1 minute jumping
40 planking knees to elbows
1 minute jumping
20 double lunges (20 per leg, 40 total)
repeat circuit 2-3 times

Have fun! Maybe tomorrow I will climb trees.