The Hungry Ass

Yesterday, I had a precious sixty minutes to myself while my son spent some quality time with his grandmother. He probably snacked on cookies, ice cream and straight sugar, but she could probably give him crack and I would look the other way just to get my much needed alone time. So while my son was playing junkie at grandma's, I decided to head to one of my favorite sandwich shops for lunch.

I walked into the empty cafe with its narrow walkway near the deli counter, savoring the quiet. After placing my to-go order, I sat down at a small table to wait. A few minutes of peaceful meditation and the door swings open as four ladies enter the cafe. While viewing the chalkboard menu, one of the women stands within inches of my table with her back side toward my face. She then backs up the mere few inches and sits on my table. Yes, puts her actual butt cheeks on the table. Now, I don't know about you, but I was under the impression that butts are one of, if not the most, unsanitary parts of a human body. Also, not sure if you know, but a long time ago someone invented the chair. I'm talking ancient Greece, 600 B.C. the chair was invented. I think you get my point - asses belong in chairs.

At one point the table wobbles, the woman stands up and turns to face me. I made a disgusted face and looked her straight in the eye, assuming she would understand the feelings of abhorrence radiating from my eyes. Instead, she mutters, "oh sorry" and shifts her weight to be more centered on the table and promptly sits back down. I finally stood up and moved to the empty counter to wait for my sandwich away from the lunching ladies and let her have the table. But not before snapping this picture to post here and on Facebook.